I stumbled upon another brokenhearted sub a few days ago. Her tweets were excruciatingly painful to read. She had been dumped by her Dom. No reason given. He was just done and then he was gone. It hurt to read every word she’d typed, because I’ve been there.
You think all is right with the world because He / She tells you it is. You ignore the alarm bells going off in your gut because you’ve been told / trained to trust in Him / Her. Then one day He / She is gone. If you’re lucky you get excuses. Sometimes they just disappear. In the end there’s always a broken and confused sub left behind.
I’m not here to beat up on Doms / Dommes. There are assholes everywhere. Some of those assholes just happen to be kinky assholes. While I do believe that it is up to a Dom / Domme to take care of their sub even at the end of the relationship, to help them understand why things are ending, to guide them toward a path of healing, and to help them move on. l also believe It takes two to tango. NO ONE can take your submission. submission is something you give. No, I’m not victim blaming / shaming. I am however saying we subs need to be more responsible with our hearts and our minds. More care needs to be taken when deciding to submit to a new Dom / Domme. We need to take better care of ourselves.
I look back at my former Doms and I realize that the one I still adore is the Dom I took a long time to fully submit to. He was patient with me. I knew his intent and he knew my need, but he waited until I was completely ready. Once our time had run its course he didn’t just run away. We spoke about it at length. I had felt the change in our relationship and spoken up about it. He didn’t deny it. We dealt with it, and He gently released me. We are friends to this day because He handled me with care and respect. However, having such a positive experience with this Dom didn’t save me from heartbreak later on. No, I didn’t listen to my body. I let myself get swept away by someone who seemed so right for me. So perfect. Yet he was far from my perfect Dom and I suffered when it was over.
Take care yourselves. Know what you want….. what you need…. what you really, really, really need to make you feel safe, warm, and complete. The right Dom / Domme for you will be patient. They will understand. They will give you time. Don’t be afraid to speak up when things don’t feel right. Being submissive doesn’t mean you are an emotionless doormat. At the end of the day its your choice to submit or not to submit. Don’t let anyone tell you anything different.
Doing all of this won’t guarantee that you’ll never be abandoned or broken. It simply means you will go into things with your eyes wide open. Turn on the light. Don’t stumble through the room in the dark.
Because a fat girl still has to pay more money for uglier clothes or spend 11 hours at the thrift store to find anything hot to wear.
Because if you take the elevator people think you’re lazy but if you’re on the treadmill people laugh.
Because men like John Goodman and Bernie Mac get to have careers on television but most sitcom moms of three still have size-two waists.
Because even feminist magazines publish fat-phobic articles under the guise of it being a “health issue.”
Because anti-capitalist activists still use expressions like “fat capitalist pig.”
Because girls are dieting at the age of nine.
Because side effects of the most popular diet drugs are seizures, heart failure, fecal urgency, breast cancer, lung disease, insomnia, nausea and vomiting, dangerously high blood pressure, abnormal heartbeat, psychosis, strokes, hallucinations and sudden death.
Because the Cooper Institute’s ongoing study of 30,000 people has found that those who are fittest live the longest, no matter what they weigh.
Because the doctor who said that there were 30,000 “obesity-related” deaths each year received over $2 million in research funding from Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers.
Because that study prompted the FDA to approve Phen-Phen and Redux.
Because fat hatred is a money-making industry.
Because fat people who exercise live longer than thin people who don’t.
Because if you lose weight ’cause you’re sick people tell you how great you look.
Because hatred is so ingrained in every single one of us, especially inside the heart of even the hottest fat girl.
Because even the most progressive people don’t talk or write about it.
Because I am tired of being ignored, invisible, de-sexualized and told that I have such a pretty face.
Because it’s not fat that kills, it’s fear of fat.**
For all that and more I am a part of the HOT FAT GIRL REVOLUTION!"
— Zoe Whittall (via finedineonmyvegangenitalia)
Yes yes yes(via tessmunster)
I told myself that I wouldn’t get involved in another long distance relationship after the last one imploded. Saying my ex hurt me would be an understatement. The break up knocked me down pretty hard. It made me hesitate. It made me weary of everyone new that came into my life. Then I met him.
At first I thought we would just enjoy each other in the moment, but that moment turned into a weekend. Then I didn’t want to leave him. I wanted another day. Just one more hug, one more kiss, one more night in his arms. I told myself that I was being silly, that he lives so far away, that it wouldn’t work. I told myself he wasn’t even thinking of me. Then my phone vibrated. It was a text from him. That was the beginning.
We’ve spoken everyday since the day we met. It hasn’t been a dizzying whirlwind romance. No, he’s felt like home from the beginning. It’s been easy for me to open up to him, to share all my fears, to give him my heart, because he’s done the same for me. It feels a bit surreal at times. I marvel at how easy it was to love him. Even with the distance. The longing is bearable because I know he feels the way I do. He doesn’t hide it. We talk about life moving forward. Not just that one sweet moment in time. I find comfort in that.
It’s not just the two of us in this thing. Our spouses have been amazing. His wife and I have become good friends. Hubby has been super supportive. They’ve made this relationship easier to navigate. They’ve made the distance not feel like such a big deal. Without their love and support this whole thing would be a mess. I realize that. I appreciate it.
We’ll be together again in February. It’s so close yet so very far away. I’m looking forward to being in his arms again. Looking forward to being in my other home.
Hubby and I have been in couples therapy for about two months now and it shows. I can feel the progress. It’s easier for me to let things go. It’s easier for me to see things from his perspective. I think I’m slightly more patient. We fight less………. Okay, we argue, but its less crazy and out of hand.There are less “Fuck it!!!” moments and more “Okay how do we fix this?” moments. I am happier. I think he is too. I can’t speak for him but I feel a happier energy between us when we are together. Things are good….But not perfect. Far from it. We still have our moments. We had one while we were away at GKE. It was bad. I wanted to go home. I almost called a cab to drive me from New Jersey to Brooklyn. The price was the only thing that kept me from making that rash decision.
It was one of those icky moments that swallow me up. I was so completely exasperated and just lost. It wasn’t something I could fix, because I was the thing that had been broken. Emotionally I was tapped. I don’t reach that point often but when I do its bad. Somehow I found a way to calm myself. To talk to him. To agree to stay and deal with things. I found a way to take care of myself. I sought comfort in the arms of my friends and the ball pit. Yes. A gazebo filled with brightly colored balls and people being silly was my happy place. It saved me. Actually snuggling in the ball pit with people I adore saved me. Reaching out and not holding it all in saved me. Saved the weekend. Saved us from spinning out again. Thankfully the rest of the weekend was amazing.
We still have lots of work to do. We are far from being done, but I am happy with our progress. There is a definite change in how we relate to each other. We are still on different pages of the same book but at least we’re on the same chapter. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter. We are going to be okay…………No, we are going to be amazing. :)
One of my stories got the Dirtybit Podcast treatment this week!!! Listen along as Sexxxy Sherry puts a voice to my latest adventure.
Episode 43- Last Night http://www.dirtybitpodcast.blogspot.com/2013/11/dirtybitpodcast-43-lola.html
Follow @Dirtybitpodcast on Twitter and check out all the other sexy episodes at http://www.dirtybitpodcast.blogspot.com/.
I have been talking about “my show” for months. The ups and downs (heh), the sleepless nights, and the pure unadulterated joy of it all. In 11 days, on Sunday November 17th, my dream will finally materialize on stage!!
Sex Ed A-Go-Go is on part adult sex ed. discussion; one part go-go revue. My goal is to get people talking about sex and sexuality outside of the bedroom, and to be comfortable doing so. I want to inspire people and open their minds to all of the sexual possibilities out in the world. There are many paths one can take to pleasure. I just want to do my part to show the way. ;)
Sex Ed. A-Go-Go - Sunday November 17th , 7:30pm at the Parkside Lounge: 317 Houston St. Corner of Houston and Attorney.
The night began in his car. He picked me up in the city. Opening the door for me and putting my bag in the back.
It had been a month since our last meeting. Both of us too busy to connect. He’d finally carved out some time for me. He decided he didn’t want to waste time sitting in a bar. We didn’t have much time and we both had needs to satisfy.We agreed to go to his place in Brooklyn. It would be my first time there, but I wasn’t nervous. There’s something about him that puts me at ease.
As we made our way to Brooklyn we played catch up. I told him about my trips, my show and my sexy adventures. He loves that I’m slutty.
As we spoke I could see the stress of his day leaving his body. As he relaxed he wanted to touch me more. His hand caressing my thigh one minute and tweaking a nipple the next. We drove through the neighborhood where most of our dates have taken place. He searched for a place to park his car. I was confused until he ordered me to unbuckle my seat belt and suck his cock. The night had begun.
He likes to talk to me while I suck his cock. He tells me I’m beautiful. He calls me his good baby, his dirty bitch, and his slutty girl.
I happily sucked his cock as he whispered all of these things to me. He pushed my head down further on to his cock. It fits nicely in my throat. After a few moments he grabbed my hair and pulled me off of his cock and returned me to an upright position. He buckled my seat belt and kissed my lips. I could tell he needed to get me home.
I stroked his cock the rest of the way to his place. For 10 minutes all he could say was “good girl”.
We pulled up to his building. He lives above a well known store in a slowly becoming “cool” part of Brooklyn. He held my hand as we walked the stairs to his loft. Kissing and pulling me close as we navigated the maze of hallways leading to his door.
His loft was beyond amazing. He took my bag and made me a drink. I kicked off my shoes and curled up in his couch.He brought my drink in and sat across from me. We talked about the his loft and the neighborhood for a bit. Then he took my glass. I’d only had a few sips of my drink.He pulled me into a kiss. I melted in his arms as he pulled me onto his lap.
He caressed my face. His light touch turned rough and he grinned. He told me to strip for him. In front of the floor to ceiling windows.
I shimmied out of my shorts and tights. He grabbed my hips and turned me slowly until my ass was in his face. He kissed each cheek.
He stood up behind me and kissed my neck. He told me to raise my arms and he slowly pulled my shirt over my head. His hands were all over me. He he unclasped my bra and tossed it aside. Then he grabbed my tits and pulled me back against him. We were still in front of the window. He turned me to face him and he kissed me gently and whispered “Take off your panties and bend over the arm of the couch.”
My head was down, my back was arched, and my ass was up. After two hard spanks he told me to look up. My view was the Statue of Liberty. I stared at Lady Liberty as he spanked me. I giggled at the silliness of it all and he spanked me harder. Once my bottom was warm and red he told me to stand up. He took my hand and led me on a tour his loft. I was completely naked. He was not.
He took me from room to room. Showing me paintings and furniture. Tweaking my nipples. He showed me the guest room. I ran my hand over the coverlet on the bed. I was surprised by how soft it was. He grinned that naughty grin, grabbed the back of my neck, pushed me over the end of the bed and told me to stay. Then he left the room.
I could hear him walking around and it made me squirm. He walked into the room and said “Good girl.” I could hear the smile on his face.
I remained bent over the bed. My tits pressed against the soft coverlet. His hands roughly groping me. I was dripping wet. He slid two fingers into my pussy and the noise he made filled me with pride. He called me his naughty little bitch and I smiled.
The familiar crinkle of a condom wrapper made me dizzy with excitement. I stood on my tip toes and arched my back. He liked that.
He teased my wet pussy with his cock and then he growled “I’m waiting.” I knew what he wanted, ”Please fuck me Daddy.”, and he did.
The words from his lips. His hands in my hair. The thrust of his hips. I was lost in all of it.
He was still dressed. I could feel his trousers on the backs of my legs and I heard the jingle of his belt. My mind went straight to that belt.
As if he could read my thoughts he stopped thrusting and removed it. I tingled all over. He slipped it loosely around my neck, and softly tugged on it making me arch my back further. Another “Good girl” fell from his lips. He told me to stand. The belt was still around my neck. He led me to the dinning room and pulled out a chair.
The chair was placed in front of a huge mirror. He made me stand in front of it and he asked if I could see the beauty he was looking at.
I smiled at my reflection and he stroked my cheek. “Now bend over”
I braced myself on the chair and watched in the mirror as he fucked me.
Again he had me stand and he led me back to where we began. He removed the belt from around my neck and had me kneel in front of him. He looked down at me and asked me what I wanted. “Your cock” I replied. He frowned. “Who’s cock?” I smiled. “Daddy’s cock” I moved to take his cock into my mouth and he grabbed my face and shook his head no. “I’LL give it to you” he said with a smirk. I opened my mouth and waited. He slid his cock into my mouth and I groaned. I looked up into his eyes as I sucked, licked and nibbled his cock.
As I watched him I saw that naughty grin spread across his face again. He pulled his cock from my mouth and told me to stay.
I watched him cross the room and sit in a large wing back chair. He beckoned me with one finger and three words. “Crawl to me.”
I crawled across the hard wood floor. Slowly. I was grinning at him. Watching him stroke his cock as he waited for me. I kneeled in front of him and there I stayed for an hour. Sucking his cock and balls. Sometimes he would be rough. Slapping my face and shoving his cock down my throat until I gasped for air. Sometimes he was gentle. Kissing my face and letting me enjoy his cock as I pleased.I enjoyed both ways and so did he.
He stood in front of me and I looked up at him. Without having to be told I gave him my eyes as he came on my tits. I have been told that I am not allowed to clean up his cum. He says that’s a Daddy’s job. I giggled as I watched him try to clean up his mess with a warm wet cloth. Once I was all clean he helped me dress and we snuggled for a while before I headed home. As always he put me in a cab.
I didn’t cum last night. I didn’t need to. I was satisfied in so many other ways.
I have always known that I am capable of loving more than one person. I have loved hard in my life which also means I have been hurt many times over. One of those times was earlier this year.
After visiting my then Daddy / Lover, I came home to my loving husband. Sad that I had left the other man I loved behind, but happy to be home. Three days later my then Daddy/ Lover broke up with me via text message. Yes. Text message. I’m pretty sure that’s worse than being broken up with via post it a’la Carrie Bradshaw. At least the post it was hand written.
This break up was particularly hard on me. I had been hesitant to open up to this man. I was weary. I took my time moving beyond the friendship we had previously created. I was careful. I thought I was careful. Sadly you can’t be as careful as you would like to be when a liar is involved in the equation. I can see all the warning signs now when I look back at it all, but in that moment I couldn’t see a thing. I blinded by the intense feelings I had towards him and how well he seemed to know me. He just got me. Getting me was something I needed at that time in my life. It did the trick and I fell hard. Then it was over.
I moved forward. It took a few months for my heart to heal, but it did. I forgave myself for falling for his tricks. I told myself I would be open to others, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t be. I tried to will myself to let lovers in. I just couldn’t do it. I wondered if I’d ever be able to open up to someone besides my husband again. It looked bleak. Then I met him.
We met at Catalyst West. A bi coastal sex positivity conference. We’d spoken to each other online for a few months. He was shy. I thought he was smart and cute. I couldn’t wait to meet him in person. I was excited about being able to speak to him face to face. To hug him hello. I was excited. Did I say that already? I was excited!!!
We clicked right away. He made me laugh. He got my silly and my open forwardness didn’t scare him away. The first night we met I wanted to ask him to stay with me. I didn’t, but I made him promise we’d hang out the next day. We did. We spent the next day and night together.
At the time I remember thinking that I was just going to enjoy the experience. I enjoyed him. I felt so comfortable with him. Safe. That scared me. I wondered if this was one of those red flags I’d missed before, but he had been so open with me. Something my ex was not. Between the sex he spoke about his wife and kids, and I spoke about Hubby. There was no hiding or avoiding questions. It was just natural. I fell asleep on his chest and woke up wrapped in his arms. I think that was the moment my heart began to melt.
We parted ways with promises to keep in touch. I put my number in his phone and hugged him goodbye. He hugged me tight and I felt like crying because I was leaving him. I walked away thinking that it was over. I’d enjoyed myself. The weekend had been better than I could ever imagine it to be. I was sad. Then my phone buzzed and it was him already texting me.
When I arrived home I was sick. He’d given me strep throat. I was in so much pain, but every time I thought of him I smiled. He was still texting me. Everyday. All day. I texted back. We told each other how much we missed each other. How we hated being so far apart ,he lives in Idaho, from each other. Every single day. After a week he asked me what we were. I panicked. I told him that I couldn’t be his girlfriend. I was too far away. I wasn’t looking for that. I wasn’t ready for that. I told him we were lovers. I think I hurt him a little that day. I just wasn’t ready. I couldn’t be ready. Not again. Another long distance lover was not in the cards I was dealing myself. I clearly didn’t realize that I wasn’t the one holding the deck.
He went along with the lover thing as we got to know more about each other. I was still hesitant. He understood why.More texting and talking followed. Everyday It was around this time that his wife and I decided we should get to know each other. He was always talking about one of us to the other anyway. One day, during on of our chats, she told me that she understood we weren’t really together but that she was hoping we were working towards it. I brushed it off, but I kept thinking about it.
That thought didn’t leave me. I thought about it at night as I lay in bed texting him before i drifted off to sleep. I thought about it during our daily lunch time phone chats. I thought about it a lot. He was always on my mind. Then, Hubby gave his blessing. He’d walked into our bedroom and found me staring at my phone with a stupid grin on my face. I was face timing with my new lover, and we were just staring at each other. He laugh at us and left the room. Afterwards he said I looked happy. That he could tell I’d found someone that got my silly. Someone good for me. That was the moment I gave in.
A few nights again we were texting back and forth. My lover and I. Im not sure how it came up or who said it first but we decided that we were more than lovers. That he was my boyfriend and I was his girlfriend. Distance be damned. He was right. I was his from the moment I first kissed him and he was mine. I’d been fighting it.
No more fighting. I gladly give in. My heart has found another to love. This feels right. I feel right. Hello adventure my old friend. Its nice to see you again. :)
Back in March, while attending Catalyst Con East, I signed up to participate in the Pleasure Chest’s Sex Is Back campaign. Once I was told what this project was all about I knew I needed to be a part of it.
Finally after months of waiting I received word that the Sex Is Back site was ready to go live and all I can say is………..The finished product is AMAZING! So many awesome people participated by sharing their sexual experiences. I’m honored to be along side them sharing mine.
The links below will take you to my clips but PLEASE take the time to look through the site. You won’t regret it.