He feels farther away from me than his actual physical distance tonight. I’m lost at the moment. I have no idea how to bridge that gap between us or if I should even be trying. It’s hard to just be there for someone when you’re a doer. I always feel the need to make things better or right. Sometimes that isn’t possible. The distance doesn’t make this any easier.
I hurt his feelings today. I hate when I do that. I hate that I don’t realize I’ve done it until he points it out later. I hate that I made him a little sad. I hate that all I can do is say I’m sorry. I hate that I’m too far away to hug him and kiss him. I hate that he can’t see my face when I apologize. Typing it out to him just doesn’t feel like enough. How do you show someone that your heart aches because you hurt them? How do you make them feel how sorry you are? I wish I knew. Maybe then I could sleep.
I was on His mind even when I thought I was the farthest thing from it. I was the thought that sprung to life when He was seeking comfort. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. Comfort Hm. Adore Him. Serve Him. Always His in some way. Always His good girl.
Sometimes to be in love means you will suffer. It means your heart will ache and there will be nothing you can do for it but endure it. Sometimes it means you must accept that things can’t be fixed or changed, because for the moment they are the way they must be. To truly be in love means suffering, but knowing that things won’t always need to be the way they are. To truly be in love is to be able to weigh the pain of distance and time and realize that it is much lighter than the weight absence and loss.